No idea.

I've never started one of these without the slightest idea of what I'm doing. But I figure blogging is an expression of ones thoughts, and painting is an expression of ones emotions. Makes sense why most of my paintings mean nothing to anyone except me. My paintings start as me choosing a few random colors that in the moment feel good, and splatter them on a big sheet of paper. The resulting color throw up looking thing is eyed by me. Attacked with paint (thanks to one of my favorite people J.I) and then the paint gets scraped off. Sometimes I question my artistic ability. Because, well. There isn't any. Its all mush, but due to my ridiculously pointless 'deepness'. I see myself in this mess. A work in progress. I, like all people, am just a work in progress. You can just see the imperfections in everybody, the insecurities. Live life for the little things.

Sweet dreams

My expectations.

Its funny how a sound repeated over and over, along with a nice voice and some words that happen to apply to the moment, can make someone cry. Its funny how when someone screams your name and jumps on you to hug you. It means so much more than if you walk over and hug the person. Its funny how someone else's views can change your outlook. Its funny how someone else's experiences can change your outlook on something you would've thought was a bad situation. Its funny how someone attitude can change your mood from good to bad in seconds. Its funny how we all seem to love love songs. But we can't love each other. We claim to be grown up. We claim to have grown from middle school and high school. But really, the world is just a big middle school. The continents are the cliques. The Presidents and Prime Ministers are the main kids in charge of each groups. The countries are the kids who don't like everybody in the clique. Who make friends outside the cliques. Why then is the picture above applicable. Why is it that with all the social conditioning, the world has become that which it so commonly deems unacceptable. Like it or not. This is what the world has become. A High School. But all hope is not lost. There are the people who try to do something about it. Who realize that before we come together as clubs or cliques or 'countries' or 'continents'. We need to change the way we act.

The mindset for the average American teenager is: oh crap i have to wake up now. Oh crap im getting fat. Oh crap this cake is good. Oh crap i have to go to school. Oh crap mom drive me. Oh crap ill drive myself. A dull monotone of meaningless complaints and unappreciativeness. Now I said average. What about them average teenage mothers we got? I can't speak for them, but I would guess that they either have the oh crap mindset or the. I love my baby but why in the hell did i do this. Everybody's got complaints. Guess what people! Life tends to not be fair if you don't appreciate anything! 

Here comes the part where I talk about me. If you aren't interested or if you are, I suggest you re-read the paragraph above and join us below.

I guess the question to ask right now is: what does life mean to me?

Life means change. Life means dealing with what you have. Life means surviving.

The phrase

So close but so far

Comes to mind.
My expectations from other people are simple.

Accept me for who I am.
Don't be an a-hole.
Be nice.


My expectations for me? Here comes the messed up part


You should work out every day.
You should wake up an hour before you usually do, meditate.
You shouldn't judge anyone. 
You should be nice to everyone.
You should be grateful for everything you have.
You should be grateful for everything you don't have.
You should love everybody.
You should be ripped before you get into high school.
You should be spiritually enlightened before the 10th grade.
You should be perfect.


Needless to say I break down alot. I go to bed at 8pm, and for the days i feel like bumming around and not doing anything. I give myself a lecture about how I'm going to fail. And then I bum and eat some more. 
You're hardest on the people you love I guess.
I like loud clothes sometimes. I like good friends. I like white teeth. I like perfection. I think I want perfection.


And here comes the cool part.


I think I'll get it.

What is a prejudice?

To understand what a prejudice we first have to understand what a stereotype is. A stereotype is natural, most commonly frowned upon, but really its a normal way to look at the world. So what is a stereotype? A stereotype is a box. It's an imaginary box. It's not a pretty box. It is just a box. We put people in boxes based on many ideas. Some superficial ideas may be the popular kids at school versus the nerds. The boss and the employee. Stereotypes are how we see the world, how we compartmentalize everybody. Stereotypes make our job as humans easier. So as I've said, stereotypes are natural. 

Imagine a world without stereotypes. Where everyone was the same white mush as the rest of the universe, or everyone was their own special person. The real harm done is not in the stereotype, but when you treat someone like based on a stereotype, or judge them based on shallow aspects of what you may or may not suspect. That right there is totally not flyable, cool, or okay. 


I want a prejudice. 
It's been a long day.
It's been a long 4 days. 
(It's thursday)


Here begins my civil rant.


But how can we sit there and expect this greatness from ourselves when the others who we strive so hard to respect and love for all their imperfections would rather sit there and try to diss, rank, insult, or hate on, such menial aspects of what makes you, you. How can I expect this greatness from myself when my fellow man can not even gather up the decency to realize that people from this world come from all walks of life. The answer is simple, because I am DIFFERENT.




Hold up Aly. How are you gonna sit there and act like you're better than this kid.


Well little voice the answer is simple. Because I am a blessing. 


Huh? Are you high?


Nope, I heard today at school that every child is a blessing for their parents. I am a blessing. I see the world differently then other people. I see every person as a blessing. I see their flaws, I see my flaws. I see how the world can improve. How many other people can say that?


BUT! (here comes mr. part of my mind thats against me) You're just a normal kid. Theres nothing that sets you apart.


This is what I tell myself when I'm down low. But I'm on the rise. So step off little voice. 


                                                          -So back to prejudice-


Just like everything else in this world, prejudices are necessary, and to think they aren't is to view the world through the eyes of a child. Or non-philosopher. 


But you just said prejudices are bad? You aren't making sense.


Little voice in my head, do me a favor and try to keep up. Prejudices are necessary to act in cases of hostile encounters. You have to put your foot down with the people that just don't get that you mean no harm nor do you wish to fight. So hostility, and the judgement inside ones head about a certain person is okay. 


Now I think to myself...Wait this isn't prejudice this is just learning from past experience. This is adapt to survive in middle school. 


And how right you are little voice! I guess I should change this. But I don't redo blogs. 


Now I explain what brought this on: So I'm sitting in my 8th period class and this ugly kid (I don't judge, but with this kid its on the inside and the outside so I make an exception) sitting next to me looks at me and tells me how badly taken care of my shoes are. This is a kid whose main purpose in life is collecting Nike shoes, cursing at people online, and yelling at people in front of teachers in the middle of class. This is the kid whose mental health you worry about. Anyway I know all this already so I mildly dismiss him and say because I don't wear my shoes for looks. 


I swear to god this kid had no idea what I had just said to him. He actually asked me why I would wear shoes, if not for looks. At this point I'm already planning my next blog about how people can be so ignorant. So basically I mildly dismiss him and thats the end of it. Next some people from the yearbook come in and take pictures. When its my turn I do some dumb face, because honestly I'm not in the mood to pose but the teacher said if you don't cooperate then you stay afterschool. So here comes big Mr. Ugly. Who graces me with some mildly injuring remarks. This other kid comes up and says something and I swear to god my mouth dropped. He says :

LIVE AND LET LIVE

Basically he doesn't stop so I tell him to shut his mouth. That works pretty well.

So what are the lessons?

1. Don't hesitate to stand up for yourself.
2. DONT JUDGE. DONT JUDGE. DON'T JUDGE
3. The only Ugly thats really ugly is when its on the outside and the inside.
4. You and every other person on this earth is a blessing. Don't ever forget it.
5. 
   

Prejudice is OK if it's adapt to survive

sweet dreams little readers

Ray of Sunshine

We all have these people in our lives. The people whose Rays of happiness blow a hole right through our clouds of misery and confusion. Whose mere presence is enough to make a good day better, a better day best, a bad day good, and a terrible day bearable. These are the people we can trust. These are the people we can share our burdens with. These are the people who comfort us. These are our Rays of Sunshine. God has gifted me with many rays of sunshine. Among these is my best friend Aileen. This girl has always been there for me, and though we've had around 50 people ask  us if we were dating, we've remained mutually respectful, we've gotten into fights, as is human nature. But we always climb out of the pit stronger people and a stronger dynamic duo against all that may threaten us. My sister has a cousin who needs prayer. A cousin who truly is a gift from god. A cousin who has had to undergo more than his share of hurt in his life. A cousin who has had more surgeries on his brain than anyone I've ever heard of. This kid was clearly meant to be a ray of sunshine to his family, this kid needs help. I'm not asking for much. Just whenever you pray or meditate or whenever you do what you have to do. Think of this 11 year old kid in Mexico, and send him some love. He deserves it.

This little kid

I have this little kid living with me. He was born after me. And we have the same parents. This kid has a blog. This kid has a good blog. This kid's blog is worth checking out.


This kid's blog link is posted below:

www.zaynsstoriesandmore.blogspot.com

I have a new problem.

INSPIRATIONAL VIDEO--------->

I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going, and I don't know how to get there. Hormones have been kicking my butt since yesterday. I don't remember the last time I fought with my mom and grandmother at the same time. My new don't take bs from anyone philosophy is backfiring. My dislike of alpha females has increased especially because I live with them. I hate beyond anything being micromanaged, and that's whats been going on in my head the past two days. This just in: I have fear of abandonment. I have this intense fear if I completely expose myself to the world then i'll be the outcast. That weird kid that doesn't have any friends, and in the process of this false sense of self preservation i'm losing myself and my identity and becoming just ordinary like everyone else. I'm really hoping to discover more of myself through three things: this blog, working out, and meditating. This is how an average day goes for me. Wake up at 5 a.m. meditate for 30 minutes. Stay up and youtube, shower at around 5:45 and get out of the house at around 6:25, I carpool with three other people so once we all meet up it takes another 35-40 minutes to get to school. During school I try my best to smile and keep my feelings as hidden as possible while trying absentmindedly to make friends. After school when i finally get home its a relaxed scramble to get my homework done with time to work out. Usually it takes around 30 minutes to do homework and 1 hour of messing around and spacing out time, so it's around 6:30 and sometimes 7:00. Following homework and spacing out I often do the math in my head to see if i can somehow get my workout done in time to go to bed at 8:00. usually i get to bed at 8:30 and sometimes 9:00. After watching this video however, i'm thinking of waking up at 4:00 and getting the meditating and workout done, then meditating again in the night. I'm also trying my best to not judge anyone. I read one chapter of a Deepak Chopra book and so I'm trying to not judge and meditate as well as i can. An insightful friend told me that with what i'm doing, I would burn myself out. And eventually, I might. But the rewards that i'm seeing coming from this are worth it. Also another plan/ option could be to wake up at 4 am and go to morning khane. For those who don't know i'm an Ismaili muslim and you might hear the phrases Khane, Jamathkhana, or Jk. It's basically our version of Mosque, Church, Synagogue (pardon my spelling).  So we have times to go in the morning and at night. In the morning there's like 20 people that go and it's supposedly really peaceful. They have an entire hour for meditation! but I also want to sleep, so I was thinking: if i could find a way to workout and meditate in the morning without sacrificing alot of sleep. Any ideas?
Thanks everybody :)

A quick note

Before i had experienced what real india was, i thought the kaamwali's were the ones with the problem, god knows there's room for improvement in their lives. However compared to the real india, which will be explained later, they live in luxury. If they were to be left on the street, they would be raped, abused, and murdured, or worse sold for parts. like in slumdog millionaire. 

Beautiful Things, My Change

There are a couple of huge aspects at play in my life at the moment:

RAGING HORMONES

Wanting to discovering myself


I like the idea of having a different approach to things than most people. So i've decided to change and make a "profile" for myself. A new persona. I will be the person i want instead of wishing to be there.


The most important question to ask myself right now.


Who is this dude?


So I name traits:


Theres the basic ones
Athletic
Witty
Smart
Loving


The not so basic ones
Able to be himself in any situation
Able to remain true to himself and others
Able to be loyal and yet still be open to new people






And then there's the stuff I can do, I recently read the book Eat Pray Love which many of you might think is funny but its got some pretty legit stuff going on. The two messages I got are: 


 You need to start MEDITATING
                     and
You need to strive for BALANCE


So how far away am I exactly from these goals?
aka
How much have i changed from the old me to get to where I need to go. 
first i need to know who the "old me" was
He was the kind of guy who knew he was flawed. and was coming to terms with it in the wrong way: by not doing anything about it.
He was the kind of guy who had physical flaws that he allowed to cloud his vision of himself. Teenage Insecurities. 


Water Break
This just in! There's a place in texas called Earth. So let it be known I am in earth. and miami. 


And I'm back


More later on something of the same sort