I feel stifled. As a teenager, I feel entitled to talk to my friends through my phone for at least 20 minutes a day. Mom took that away. I feel entitled to free access to music. Mom took that away. I feel entitled to use my phone at least as an alarm clock to wake up at 5 am so I can meditate. Mom took that away. I feel entitled to use art as an outlet for the resulting anger on Saturday night in our classroom. Guess what!! Not gonna happen. I feel like I would like to punch a wall in. Not gonna happen. So what do we do? What is to happen when you are completely cut off from the world. Trapped in your house when the closest thing to someone your age is your 10 year old brother, who has his phone and free access to music. When you live with CRAZY ALPHA FEMALES. When no-one sees the world the way you do? What do you do when your friends, your music, your zen-ness are all taken away?
You dance.For the small amount of time I get to myself on Friday nights I shower, get out, and dance. TO MUSIC. Ha. What kinda dances do you do hormonal teenager? I make up dances. I daydream about October when I'll be onstage in front of 200 people dancing my little heart out. I think of dance moves, I make dumb videos. I bore myself to tears. Then I ask myself why I'm doing it, and this anger bigger then I am rises up out of my chest and I suppress the urge to murder my pillow and kill its children. I suppress the urge to cry. I suppress the urge to put my head, fist, foot, mothers head through a wall. So I dance some more. Then I get to a point when I can suppress the anger, and I blog.